Day 43

Depending on the moment, my state of mind runs from abject pessimism to the most cautious kind of optimism, usually the former. And I'm old enough to know this swing is the result of chemicals in my body, not the force of my will. The resulting anxiety is debilitating in every way.

Today was a flat-to-down day. I watched myself moving carefully from one possible land mind to the next, helplessly hoping to avoid the crush that sometimes grabs me by the throat. I made it up until now, but then I hit the wall. The idiocy of how we live our lives in this horrible year is so completely demoralizing. I want it to end.

What set me off today is the Friday Fracking Video Steve posted below about how we've poisoned so many other species we share this planet with. As Steve wrote in his intro, if you hate plastics, you're gonna hate this video.

The video was followed by an update from my daughter in Atlanta. Her work is scheduled to start back on May 11.

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One of the few things that brightens my mood

is this crazy Muscovy duck that lives with us. Something about that look ... it's hard to feel miserable when Lucky comes over to me for a head scratch.

I am going for a long hike

this weekend. Weather is supposed to be perfect. I may just walk the woods next to my house. I used to do that frequently, but storms have made so much deadfall it's hard to get around out there. But I need to chart a new trail so I can use it when I feel like it.

Nothing cures existential dread like a little romp in the forest.